Many parents search for common sense parenting suggestions. I recently heard Dr. Michele Borba (http://www.micheleborba.com) speak about raising kids who have empathy, conscience, and self-control. These three attributes comprise a moral core.
Empathy is identifying with and feeling other people’s concerns and requires that one “walk in another’s shoes.” Dr. Borba identifies three ingredients:
1. Unconditional love and acceptance which develops real self-esteem (I love you and like you for what you are now.)
2. Reachable expectations, less-permissive environment where kids will nag but parents will still say no.
3. Respectful and democratic environment where parents to listen more. This listening requires fair and consistent rules: get eyeball level; establish and maintain eye contact; respond with positive acceptance (nods, smiles, positive comments).
This balance nurture and structure requires that parents stretch kids whenever possible with caring discipline to develop empathy:
· Call out uncaring attitude on the spot
· Ask – helpful or harmful
· Reflect on feelings
· Express disapproval
Conscience is knowing the right and decent way to act and choosing to act that way. Three traits are related to conscience: compassion, honesty, persistence. Values such as these are gained through repetition. Dr. Borba provides T.E.A.C.H. Conscience Builder.
· T – Target Values (Parents should the trait they value most.)
· E – Be An Example (Show not tell; kids come equipped as video cameras.)
· A – Accentuate naturally
· C – Catch the kid doing it and always use the “language of virtue” – because it is the right way to live/treat others.
· H – Highlight why “In this house we finish what we start.”
Self-control comes from having the skills to regulate your thoughts and actions. Dr. Borba recommends that parents, and teachers, look for kids’ flash points – what are the physical signs (flushed cheeks, clenched fists) – and teach relaxers. Families and individuals need techniques. Each technique needs to be practiced for 0ne minute for 21 days. Common ones are chill/relax through very deep breathes or the “stop light” popular with younger kids (red: say calm down; yellow: take twelve deep breathes; green: count to ten).
Dr. Borba operates from the philosophy of “strength focus” where one earns and deserves. To accomplish this she provides a simple plan:
1. Target one to two desirable qualities (virtues, assets, talents or behaviors) every month to replace one’s “old image of self.”
2. Praise quality and be specific – “You are so cooperative because you ---“
3. Cultivate the quality – plan activities to “show off the strength.”
4. Continue at least 21 days until the child can verbalize the desired quality and the child’s performance of that quality.
Dr. Borba asks parents and teachers to make that 21 day promise or commitment and to remain focused on the desirable attribute. Selecting the attribute requires that we ask “What is the single most important thing I can try?” Experience with adolescents suggests that they should help select the attribute to cultivate; they might also be helpful in determining a trait their parent s could practice to improve family relations. Younger children can also discuss traits to be fostered. Dr. Borba’s website is a wealth of information to support parents and teachers. She draws from her experiences as both, a perceptive mind and available research.

First Teach Your Administrators Well - Then Teach Your Teachers
Susan Engel's (The New York Times Nov 2, 2009) analysis wasn't flawed but she forgot to mention the lack of administrative/educational leadership in many public schools. My forty-two years in public education and countless visits to a wide variety of private and public schools has convinced me that administrative/educational leadership is the major element of "good" schools. You can entice the intellectually superior into teaching programs; you can provide excellent teacher training courses and you can provide on-the-job collegial support. However, a less than stellar leader will never create a showcase school and will cause potentially excellent teachers to wither .
Certainly, as Engel points out, the best colleges need to develop teacher educator programs. These programs need to be taught by outstanding professors who model exemplary teaching - "best practices." It is impossible to create Engel's "critical mass of great teachers' if their models have primarily been mundane, uninspiring teachers.
Engel provides further solid advice for teacher preparation: intense supervision with expert mentors; video-taping and reflection of their practice and application; rigorous content study; theory and research into developmental stages. She forgot to mention that no candidate should be considered into teaching programs if they lack competent literacy skills. additionally, every candidate needs to acquire a foundational understanding of how English operates at the word level (semantics, phoneme and morpheme), at the sentence level (grammar, syntax and semantics) and as oral and written composition.
However, if that's what we expect that of the teacher practitioners, then what do we expect of the leaders? Engel ends by saying that a school with smart, well-educated, skilled and passionate teachers is a school where students get a good education. I know that a principal can fail to provide the organizational and collegial opportunities for those teachers and the students will have a fragmented and ineffective education. Let's start with "sweeping changes to the way we select and train" administrators. We might find that less teachers need "fixing."
November 04, 2009 in Commentary | Permalink | Comments (0)